The 3rd Alternative

Stephen Covey is the co-founder and Vice-chairman of Franklin Covey, a global professional service firm. He is a great author and a recipient of many awards, including eight honorary doctorate degrees and the National Entrepreneur of the Year Lifetime Achievement Award for Entrepreneurial Leadership.

The 3RD Alternative shows a way to solve life’s problems. There are two sides of most conflicts; the two opposing sides see their way as the best while another side as wrong. Stephen Covey refers to this as two alternative thinking. Problems are everywhere in the society; religion against science, white against black, liberal against conservative. Each side profoundly identifies their belief with what they believe. Therefore, when the belief is attacked, it is like their self-image is being attacked. Stephen Covey argues that this is why it is so hard for people to get past the 2-alternative mindset; the problem lies in our mental paradigm. Our paradigm governs our behavior which in turn regulates the consequence of our action. “Would you be willing to look at the 3rd alternative we haven’t even thought of yet?” This is a question that is rarely asked during a conflict, yet it seems so simple.

Stephen Covey describes the process of getting to the 3rd alternative as Synergy. He quickly explains that synergy is not a compromise since in compromise everyone loses something. However, synergy deals with the transformation of conflict and not just resolving it, and it is better than just my way or your way.  It is our way.

The 3rd Alternative describes four paradigms and without them, there would be no 3rd Alternative. This paradigm includes: I see myself, I see you, I seek you out, and I synergize with you. Once these paradigms are adopted, you can quickly get a 3rd Alternative.

The first paradigm of synergy is I SEE MYSELF paradigm. It sees oneself as unique and capable of one’s own judgment and actions.  This paradigm asks you to think about what you see when you look at yourself. Stephen defines this paradigm as “I see myself as a creative, self-aware human being which is more than the side I favor in a conflict. I might share certain beliefs or belong to certain groups, but these do not define me. I choose my own story.”

The second paradigm is the I SEE YOU. This is about seeing the other person as a person not as a thing. When you look at others, what do you see? Do you see them as unique human being with diverse talents? In the I SEE YOU paradigm, you and I are uniquely powerful because your strengths complement each other. There is no combination like us anywhere else. When one embraces this paradigm, they see the other person as complex human being, their respect for that person is authentic, and they can look past the side of the conflict.

The third paradigm is I SEEK YOU OUT.  This paradigm is about actively seeking out different views instead of avoiding them. It is significant to see conflict as an opportunity to learn something rather than defending yourself and your side. It is important to listen to someone who does not agree with you. They key however is actually listening to them. During a conflict, we are usually thinking about our side and are not listening to the other person talk. An empathic listener seeks to understand the thought and feelings of others.

The fourth paradigm is I SYNERGIZE WITH YOU. This is about coming up with a solution that no one has ever thought of yet. In the synergize paradigm, we look for the 3rd alternative. But this stage is impossible without the first three stages. Once these three paradigms are met, synergy will definitely occur.

This book focuses on conflict resolution. By adopting the paradigms necessary for synergy and creating the 3rd alternative, a better solution to any conflict can be reached.

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

Key point #1: A 3rd Alternative requires no concessions at all because it’s truly a better deal for everyone.

Key point #2: Synergy occurs when the first three paradigms are adopted.

Key point #3: The 3rd alternative can only be reached by opposing sides when there is synergy.

One last thing:

“It’s not only natural but essential for people to have different opinions. I’ve said many times over the years that if two people have the same opinion, one of them is unnecessary. A world without difference would be a world of sameness where no progress is possible.” –Stephen R. Covey