Hit Refresh

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Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella resolves to write Hit Refresh to have and share the blueprint of what he has in mind as regards changing the “know-it-all” culture of Microsoft to ‘learn it all.’ The new culture revolves around listening, learning more and talking less.  Hit refresh is a terrific study in changing the culture. It reveals Nadella’s perspective about leadership. Three years ago, Nadella succeeded Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer. He found out that the period of stalled growth has resulted in causing a once-dominant software company to be “sick” and its employees “disheartened.” The once PC-centric now lagged behind others. Nadella throw opens the story of his personal life and his work as a change-making leader, and he explains the need for machine intelligence.

Nadella happens to be a modest, likable individual that evolve from an accomplished family; his parent nurtured him and taught him the importance of balance and value of intellect. He arrived in the United States just before the 1900s tech boom, earned his computer science degree from the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee and Master’s degree at the University of Chicago. In 1992, he joined Microsoft. He writes with openness about his challenges as CEO; “hierarchy and pecking order” reigned at the fiefdom-ridden company, stifling spontaneity and creativity. His feedback has been listening with affinity to the employee concerns, to help build and create a new culture that strengthens the staffs to act on their passion and make a substantial difference in a mobile-first cloud- first world where billions of people will be connected to the internet of things. In order to achieve this new culture, the company must adopt growth mindset by being customer obsessed, diverse and inclusive and act as one Microsoft.

Another terrific chapter of this book is about “friends or frienemies.” Nadella forges a surprising new partnership with his fiercest rivals. He left the audience spellbound when he removes an iPhone from his pocket. The phone has Microsoft software and applications on it. He perceived that being able to collaborate and compete with the giants in the marketplace means walking the tightrope. He was able to work successfully with old rivals. In this book, he acknowledges the strength of his competitors and the need to find a smart way to partner with companies that have a strong market position with their service and device.  

Also in this book, the author speaks with integrity about his biggest fumble at Grace Hopper when he addresses the audience at the celebration of women in computing. He told them that they should not ask for raises but instead trust that hard work and long-term efficiency of the system would reward them.

What makes Hit Refresh extremely fascinating is Nadella’s capacity to acknowledge his mistakes, laugh at it and to invite Microsoft employees to look at the video and learn from it.  That is a practical leadership lesson most leaders should not hesitate to adopt.

Hit Refresh includes descriptions of experimental retreats, “hacks” meant to fire passions, leadership principles and other tips. This book is a hit. But beyond that, it is a refreshing read.

The Big Three – Key Points

Key Point #1:

Culture and Leadership and it advice to have the mindset of growth.

Key Point #2:

Acknowledge the strength of your competitors and the need to find a smart way to partner with companies that have a strong market position with their service and device.  

Key Point #3:

Be able to work successfully with old rivals. Being able to collaborate and compete with the giants in the marketplace means walking the tightrope.

One Last Thing 

“Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”
― Satya Nadella

The Everything Store. Jeff Bezos and The Age of Amazon

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“The Everything Store” offers an intrinsic view of the harsh business world. The book is divided into three parts, each part describing how Amazon transcend from a book selling store to everything store. The vision was birth by Jeff Bezos, a dogged visionary and the founder of Amazon.  Brad Stone breaks down the book into three parts as said earlier, the faith which describes the early years of Amazon, Literacy influence which explains the days of struggle and the Missionary which define the success stories of Amazon. The book tells how Amazon started up with a small family like business on a shoestring budget. What keeps the dream growing is the success stories. No matter how little the success might be or how large, they celebrate every success. This helps to keep the goals, achievement, and expectations attainable.

Jeff took every possibility he has to develop himself and learn something. Frequently he quotes Alan’s observation that “Point of view is worth 80 IQ Points”.  This is a reminder that looking at things in a new way can enhance one’s understanding. Jeff made customer satisfaction his priority which leads Amazon to the continual development of new features that traditional publishers often find doubtful such as the customer review.  He also initiated a platform for individuals to sell new products. He was able to realize the potential in e-commerce over traditional businesses and explored it with some features like product recommendation.  Jeff has a saying that you can work long hard and smart, but in Amazon, you can only pick two out of three. Over the years, Amazon approach has been to establish fulfillment of centers in economically weak areas to exploit cheap labor and the ability to fire worker once the season is over.

The author made an actionable point which is one of the key takeaways of the book; he said marketing budget could be well spent on enhancing customers experience instead of tweaking the website, improving services or reducing prices. Not all product and companies can be feed on marketing because sometimes achieving ROI on marketing campaigns is simply not possible. When the company reached success, what matters is the perception of the success of the company. He listed all the virtues companies need to have in order to be considered cool.

The Cool and Not Cool Effect list includes: “Rudeness is not cool. Defeating tiny guys is not cool. Close-following is not cool. Young is cool. Risk taking is cool. Winning is cool. Polite is cool. Defeating bigger, unsympathetic guys are cool.  Inventing is cool. Explorers are cool. Conquerors are not cool. Obsessing over competitors is not cool. Empowering others is cool. Capturing all the value only for the company is not cool. Leadership is cool. Conviction is cool. Straightforwardness is cool. Pandering to the crowd is not cool. Hypocrisy is not cool. Authenticity is cool. Thinking big is cool. The unexpected is cool. Missionaries are cool. Mercenaries are not cool.”

The Everything Store also tells about how Jeff makes most of his decisions, why he made it and how it brings about customer satisfaction. There are too many takeaways from this book and can only be tapped into if you get a copy.

THE BIG THREE – KEYPOINTS

Keep Point #1: Reinvent your business model without completely renegotiating it

Keep Point #2: Never allow cynics to change your mind

Keep Point #3: Involve your employees in your decision-making process. Let every voice be heard.

One Last Thing

“There’s so much stuff that has yet to be invented. There’s so much new that’s going to happen…It is still Day 1 in such a big way” – Jeff Bezos

Innovators

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Walter Isaacson, a biography writer, reveals the story of the people who created the computer and internet. It is a standard history of digital revolution and an indispensable guide to how innovation was birthed. He describes the talents that allowed confident entrepreneurs to turn their visionary ideas into a disruptive leap, why some succeeded and why some fail.

The book started with a genius named Ada Bryon, the daughter of Lord Bryon. She was tutored in math which she further nurtured herself in adulthood and also studied art. She had a burning passion for one and felt the other helped discipline herself. She soon met Charles Babbage, a science and math whiz who invented the difference engine, the giant calculating machine. Soon, Ada started using her sense of art and mathematical ability to expand upon an improved version of the difference engine, the analytical engine. This machine would be able to process different problems and even switch between what to solve on its own. When translating a transcript of Babbage’s description, Ada added her own notes which envisioned the modern computer. Mostly, she described computer as we know them, Versatile general-purpose machine. Sadly, Babbage’s machine was never invented, and he died in poverty. Ada got married to William King who later became the Earl of Lovelace which led to her being known as Ada Lovelace.

Another group of genius’ was Eckert and Mauchly who served as counterbalances for each other making them typical of many digital-arts leadership duos. Eckert drove people with a passion for precision while Mauchly tended to calm them and make them feel loved. Eckert conceded that neither could have done it alone. In 1946, they both formed their commercial business that created the next big computer maned UNIVAC, which became a celebrity on election night in 1952 by predicting the winner early. With Grace Hopper, the first workable compiler came into existence. She allowed ordinary folks to write programs in something that looks like English. She started the open-source approach by sending her workout for others to improve and lead the creation of COBOL, the first cross-platform language for computers.

The next prominent actor on our stage wasn’t a single player but a team assembled at AT&T Bell Labs. By bringing theorists and engineers who had vision and passion, they set the stage for the development of the solid state device known as the transistor. The three players who earned the Nobel prize for this discovery were William Shockley, Walter Brattain and John Bardeen Brattain. Bardeen produced the first crude transistor in 1947 and Shockley produced an improvised version soon after. It wasn’t long before transistors were replacing the vacuum tubes in radios and finding their way into computers.

Other recognized players in this book include John Von Neumann, a Hungarian-born mathematician. He contributed expressly to figuring out how to store a program in computer memory. He also figured out how to make a computer modify its program based on the results it was getting. Robert Noyce led a team that made a better and more efficient microchip. The idea of a microchip was to place multiple devices like transistors on the same piece of silicon and was brought into existence by two major companies. Jack Kilby led the first team. Kilby’s product featured gold wires connecting the device while Noyce’s chip laid down a grid of copper on the chip to connect the chips. The race was to make microchips smaller, faster, cheaper and more powerful. Ultimately, both companies worked it out so they could benefit. Kilby finally received the Nobel prize in 2000 while Noyce died in 1990. Tim Berners Lee created the necessary tools needed to bring his vision to life. His vision was to create a single global web of information which led him to use hypertext to connect one document on one computer to another elsewhere on the internet.

The final story in this book involves two graduate students from Stanford who were both rejected by MIT. While Larry Page and Sergey Brin’s Google search engine wasn’t the first of its kind, it did become most famous.

This book is full of people who stood at the time of intersection of the arts and science and made their contributions.

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

Key point #1: Innovation is rarely one single individual’s effort as it’s based on collaboration integration and incremental improvement

Key point #2:  These innovators were willing to share their ideas, thoughts and work with people that make them significant

Key point #3: Progress doesn’t happen overnight or behind closed doors. It’s only when people come together to share, collaborate, create and negate that ideas will amount to something that can change the world.

The Power of Habit. Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

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Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times reporter, takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discovery that opens up our minds to how habits come to be, why habits exist, how patterns are formed and how we can change and rebuild them. With his ability to distill the vast amount of information and penetrate intelligence, Duhigg shares his perception about one of the most challenging human natures and how it can be transformed. In this book, he divides the science of habit into three levels: individuals, business, and society. This book is based on interviews, organizational research and a load of studies.

 

HOW HABITS WORK

In the first chapter, the author tells a story of Eugene Pauly, whose brain was damaged by a virus. After the damage, he finds it difficult to remember the slightest event for more than a minute. Despite that, he was able to navigate his way around his house and even the outside world to some extent, which was only possible because the part of the brain responsible for habit was intact. What supports this theory is that whenever something changes, his behavior falls apart; he would get lost and unable to complete the simplest of activities.

Even though habits are automatic and sometimes are an unconscious series of actions, they can be changed. The author gave his insight base on a further experiment with Eugene Pauly, “Habits are powerful but delicate. They can emerge outside our consciousness or can be deliberately designed.”

The habit loop starts with a cue which is like a trigger followed by an automatic response which can be mental, physical or emotional and then reinforced by a reward and then the cycle of a new habit begins. What keeps the habit loop rolling is the craving and anticipation of reward which locks in the routine and habit. Once a habit is formed, it runs automatically even without conscious thought and continues that way even when reward changes.

THE GOLDEN RULE OF HABIT CHANGE

Chapter three of this book describes how transformation occurs. Once you are aware of how your habit works, once you recognize the cues and reward, you are halfway to changing such habit. This was supported by a story of a girl who has the habit of nail-biting. The cure involved was to make her aware of the cues, making her note when the cues emerge. Eventually, she was able to replace the habit with rubbing her hands together. The signals stayed, the behavior changed.

At the end of the chapter, the author makes two essential remarks which are: it is difficult to draw the line between habit and addiction and the second is the process of habit change is easily described, it does not necessarily follow that it is easily accomplished.”

Other chapters of the book explore why some habits are stonger than others, willpower and dow it can be turned into a habit, organizational habits or routines. The final chapter discusses moral questions related to habits and to what extent we are responsible for them.

 

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

 

Key point #1: Habits can be changed by removing cues that trigger the routine or by replacing a bad habit with good one.

Key point #2:  It is difficult to draw a line between habit and addiction.

Key point #3: Once you’re aware of how your habits work, once you recognize the cues and rewards, you’re halfway to changing them.

 

One Last Thing

“The Golden Rule of Habit Change: You can’t extinguish a bad habit, you can only change it.” ― Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

DEVELOPING THE LEADERS AROUND YOU

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Developing the leaders around you is about creating other leaders while leading. It boils down to having a growth environment that encourages others to emerge from their closed selves and become leaders.

The first chapter of this book capitalizes on a leader’s success. A leader’s success is determined by maximizing utilization of the abilities and resources/talents under him/her. The author draws our attention to a biblical story of Moses as an example of the importance of developing leaders who you can trust and delegated duties to. When Moses failed to delegate work, he began to burn out. Jethro advised him to seek for other people’s assistance which he yielded to. He was glad he did. A leader who carries others along tends to be more efficient and successful.

The second chapter further encourages the development of potential leaders. We must create a space around us where leaders can rise and feel safe. In the next chapter, John Maxwell unveils how to identify potential leaders. He made the process easy by giving some interesting principles that help to determine a potential leader. I will talk expressly on one of these principles.

John Maxwell says the next thing to look out for in any leader, after strength of character, is ability to influence. A leader must be heading somewhere and have the ability to persuade others to follow him. There is more needed to be a person of influence. Some potential leaders are like a rough diamond. Some may carry the ability to influence but not yet possess other needed attributes. They should not be discarded, instead, consult the Holy Spirit. He alone can rightly judge a man. When you influence the right set of people, you will not be left with regret when raising up the future leaders.

The fourth chapter discusses the nurturing of the identified leaders. Once potential leaders have been recognized, you must start building them into the leader they can become. To achieve this, John Maxwell describes a strategy using an acronym, BEST, which means; Believe in them, Encourage them, Share with them and Trust them. Those closest to a leader will determine the success of that leader. Energy, drive and vision is not enough to be a leader. A leader must possess the ability to develop the leaders around him. You can only estimate the strength of a leader by looking at the those around him. You attract who you are. In developing a leader, there is a need to work on yourself and be personally secure. According to John, organizations either rise or fall depending on the trend of the leaders. A team must develop the habit of building a generation of new leaders, a strategy that requires a great deal of careful selection, planning, preparing, nurturing and follow through.

THE BIG THREE: KEY POINTS

Keypoint #1: Leaders must build an environment that encourages growth.

Keypoint #2: Leaders should not just lead but invest in others by seeing the possibilities in them and developing their potential.

Keypoint #3: The success of a leader is not only measured by the number of followers but the number of potential leaders he has been able to build.

SCRUM The Art of Doing Twice the Work in Half the Time

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Jeff, the CEO of scrum develop a system of doing more work in less time. In his book, he shares the principle behind this system. The principle is based on the art of checking in on your team regularly to see if the work is being done and if it is headed in the right direction while ensuring the goal remains constant. Jeff explains that the process requires thought, introspection, honesty, and discipline.

​Jeff encourages the need to plan but disapprove the art of following plans blindly. When detailed plans meet reality, they fall apart. Therefore it is essential to give room for an assumption of change discovery and new ideas. When executing the plans, pause at every stage and review what has been done to know if you are on the right path or if there is something you can improve upon. Change is adept. It is constant; you have to be flexible with your predictions so that you will not be left behind by an organization that is willing to adopt change. The author moved on by describing the origin of Scrum.

Scrum was inspired by the Japanese through the HBR paper published in 1986: “The New Product Development Game” by Hirotaka Takeuchi & Ikujiro Nonaka which highlighted the importance of cross-functional teams and faster, flexible way of working. The next chapter opens up what scrum is base on. Scrum is based on Teams. More resources make the team go slower. It is preferable to have a team that has every skill needed to complete a project irrespective of the set mission. Remember small teams get work done faster than big teams.  The author did not stop at that, he went ahead discourage the habit of waste in a project. He explained the types of waste which are MURI (waste through unreasonableness), MURA (waste through inconsistency) and MUDA (waste through outcome) and then summarize it all by saying “do one thing exclusively before moving on to the next project.”

What in the beginning you thought you needed was never what you actually needed. Scrum breakdown its role into three. These are the product owner (what the work should be). The Scrum master (how the work should be done) and the team member( does the work). The product vision serves as the intersection of what can be implemented, what you are passionate about and what can be sold.  Jeff says ”figure out where the most value can be delivered for the least effort and do that right away. Then identify the next increment after and then the next” Scrum can be used un any endeavor to improve performance and result. It accelerates human effort irrespective of the project or the problem being analyzed.

Finally, T.E Lawrence said “all men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men for they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible”.

​The Big Three – KEY POINTS

​Key point #1: Don’t guess. Plan, Do, Check and Act. Plan what you are going to do. Do it. Check whether it did what you wanted to act on it and be flexible with how you do things. repeat the process in the regular cycle to achieve continuous improvement.

​Key point #2: Small teams get work done faster than big teams. 

Key point #3: Choose the smoothest, most struggle-free way to get things done. Scrum is about enabling the most flow possible.

One Last Thing

“Multitasking Makes You Stupid. Doing more than one thing at a time makes you slower and worse at both tasks. Don’t do it. If you think this doesn’t apply to you, you’re wrong—it does.”
― Jeff Sutherland

Insanely Simple. The Obsession That Drives Apple’s Success

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Insanely simple is a book that values simplicity. It tells how simplicity drives success and how it has molded apple into what it has grown to become. How it happened, the techniques skills, actions, and decisions are all described in this book.

The author, Ken Segall worked for Apple for years on Apple ad campaigns such as Think different and Mac vs. PC. He also is responsible for the “I” in front of Apple products. He references Steve as “simple stick.” Steve will stop at nothing to knock complexity out in everything and make things as simple as possible. Complexity has its way of walking into an organization, a system or its product. Ken Segall knowing the effect of complexity on an organization shared the decisions that were made at Apple with the advantage of knowing how things worked out. Apple keeps everything insanely simple.

Steve said “simple can be harder than complex, you have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s always worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

Sometimes the easy path is not always the simple path. The easy path can cause more complexity and complications than the simple route. Simplicity is not just a goal for an organization or oneself; it is a skill that must be learned. Like leadership, we all have the ability to surge ahead through simplicity; we only need the right tools and frame of mind to do so. To be simple, you must think simple.

Thinking simple does not stop you from thinking brutally, and there is a difference between brutally honest and simply being brutal. Steve job was known for his brutal honesty. If he thought your work was terrible, he would not shy away from telling you. “Blunt is simplicity; Meandering is complexity” Job does not compromise his standard for Apple because of someone else’s feelings.

Another level of thinking Steve adopted was iconic thinking. To think simple, you have to think iconic. The first significant campaign Apple did after the return of Steve Jobs was the Think Different campaign. This campaign was designed around images of people who have made a tremendous difference in the world. Images speak more than the words. It gives Apple brand an edge to associate with iconic figures. By thinking iconic, it allows a ton of core value information to be communicated by an organization in just a few images.

Steve did not stop at that. To think simple, you have to think human. To think human, you allow your heart into the decision-making process and remember why you do what you do. Ultimately, it’s not about the gaining influence or making money; it’s about the people your organization helps.

Also, you have to think war. The concept behind “think war” is those worthy ideas are worth fighting for. You have to use everything you’ve got, take risks and overwhelm with force. Remember, simplicity is what can separate you from victory. Always keep it simple.

In a world of ever-growing complexity, if your organization can have the mind of thinking simple, people will flock your banner. Insanely Simple has all you need to know to think simple. A copy is more than worth it.

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

Key point #1: Simplicity is a skill that can be learned and developed. To be simple, you have to think simple.

Key point #2: Compromising your vision in order to spare someone else’s feeling is not simplicity.

Key point #3: Focus on one thing so as not to miss out on the most important thing.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” ~Steve Jobs

Start With Why

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Start With Why is about an effective way of thinking, communicating, innovating and influencing people as a leader. Simon Sinek displays the notion that capable leaders inspire other people by emphasizing on the intention (‘the WHY’) before the procedure (the “HOW”) and the product or service (the “WHAT”). The more organizations and people who learn to start with WHY, the more those around will live a fulfilled life.

The first part of the book talks about a world that doesn’t start with WHY. Simon discusses two ways to influence behavior which is inspiration or manipulation.  Salespeople believe they attract customers with their features or price. In other words, we have no idea, so we manipulate sales, promotion the whole time. And yes, manipulation works. Prices, promotion, fears, aspirations, and novelty are all used to manipulate and motivate a purchase. All of these techniques work but Simon made it known that they are not sustainable and are short-lived. Regarding leadership, they can push you to the top, but they won’t make people follow you. Leadership is the ability to rally people, not for a single event but for years. However, there are few leaders who choose to inspire rather than motivate people. Whether individuals or organizations, every inspiring leader thinks, acts and communicates the same way. Consciously or not, how they do it is by following a naturally occurring pattern called the Golden Circle.

Part two of this book shows how leaders can inspire actions instead of manipulating people to act. The golden circle revolves around the WHAT (product or service), the HOW ( the procedure) and the WHY (the intention). Inspiring companies start with WHY. There is no trickery or manipulation. They just reverse the order of information. As humans, we crave a sense of belonging and we do this to survive. Starting with why helps to eliminate fear, share your beliefs and create a sense of belonging.

Part three of this book introduces us to the leaders’ needs. Leaders need a following. As members of the human race, we are attracted to those whose values, cultures and beliefs align with ours. When we recruit employees, we recruit people who believe what we believe so that we can trust one another instead of hiring purely based on skills and experience. In order words, leaders must build trust before building followers. The emergence of trust shows that trust is not a checklist. Instead, it is a feeling. We trust people and companies even when things go wrong, and we don’t believe others even when things might have gone the way it should. The idea is as a leader; you must earn trust by communicating and demonstrating that you share the same value and belief. That is why recruiters don’t hire for skills but attitude. Skills can be taught, but attitude must align with the organization’s culture. When you have a belief, i.e., a ‘WHY’ your what is just one of the ways of bringing that WHY to life.

Other parts of this great book discuss building trust, marketing and branding, the big Why and many other cogent topics that add value to organizations and individual.

The WHY does not come from looking ahead at what you want to achieve and figuring out an appropriate strategy to get there. Finding WHY is a process of discovery and not invention.

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

Key point #1:   To influence people’s behavior, you either manipulate or inspire.

Key point #2:   A clearly stated WHY helps separate you from others and build trust.

Key point #3:   Clients identify with organizations that have their WHY clearly stated.

 

One Last Thing

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe”
― Simon Sinek, Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

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We give too many fucks about trivial things while we tend not to give a fuck about the important thing. And because we give a fuck about things that do not matter, it makes us feel bad about ourselves. You need to give a fuck about something but what is the right thing to give a fuck about. ​

The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson was written to help prioritize and focus on what is essential in life. It is about reorganizing your life and letting you discover what to give a fuck about. The key to life is not about giving a fuck about more but giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about what is important, good and expedient.

What does not giving a fuck means? ​

SUBTLETY 1:  Mark Manson made it known that giving a fuck does not make you loved by everyone and not giving a fuck does not make you indifferent. Not giving a fuck means being comfortable with being different. He said “There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch potatoes and Internet trolls. They hide in a gray, emotionless pit of their making, self-absorbed and self-pitying, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.”

People who are different are those who are real, who enjoy been themselves no matter what. They care less about what others think because they strongly believe in their capabilities and abilities. ​

SUBTLETY 2: Not giving a fuck means not to give a fuck about adversity. To avoid giving a fuck about adversity, you must find something important and productive that is worth investing both your time, effort and energy on. Unless you see that important thing, your fucks will be given to meaningless and frivolous things. Dedicate your fucks to something that is worth it. Fuck has to be used wisely; it doesn’t grow on trees. A man minds his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off it and starts minding other people’s business. 

SUBTLETY 3: You have the right to choose what you give your fuck about. As we grow older, you grow out of giving a fuck about everything but only things that matter. This makes us happy on a constant basis. At a point in our life, we become aware of who we are, our strength and the right place to focus our strength on. The more you grow older, the more mature you become, the lesser the things you give a fuck about. We are not going to give a fuck about everything because we have come to understand that some things cannot be changed and because they cannot be changed, we need to fucking accept it that way and move on with life. Your happiness cannot be traded with frivolities and meaningless fucking things.

​Finally, choose what to give a fuck about. Dedicate your fucks only to what’s truly fuck-worthy. Choose what’s important to you and give a fuck about that.  

The Big Three – Key Points

​Key Point #1: Priority, reorganizing your life and deciding what to give a fuck about.

Key Point #2: It advises not to give a fuck about trivial matters but focus on important things and give a fuck about them

Key Point #3: A man minds his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off it and starts minding other people’s business.

One Last Thing

“Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for.”
― Mark Manson

Respect

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Sara Lawrence reaches deep into the human experience from the drama of birth to the solemn vigil before death to find the essence of respect. This book reveals the most powerful ingredient in any relationship both personal, professional or public life and also tries to dismantle hierarchies and other forms of denomination and replaces them with a sense of humanity, compassion, and equality.

 

Sara Lawrence was motivated by her interest in exploring the underlying nature of respect and some personal memories. She is also drawn to the concept because she understands the undying importance respect holds in both public and private life cycle. The traditional view of respect, though rarely expressed in its pure form, tends to be relatively static and impersonal. The remnants of this view survive today and shape our expectations, apprehensions, and disappointment. She discovered that respect is not the passive deference offered to a superior but the active force that creates symmetry even in unequal relationships.

Lawrence rejects what she terms the “traditional” notion of respect that accords esteem with rank and social status, often of an inherited sort. She desires to create a new view of respect that is egalitarian, that generates equality between people, mutual empathy and connections of solidarity. The author believes that respect has six qualities: 1) empowerment 2) healing 3) dialogue 4) curiosity 5) self-respect and 6) attention. Each chapter of the book focuses on a quality, interpreting it through concrete narratives.

She illumines empowerment by talking about Jennifer Dohrn, a nurse midwife; healing through the actions of pediatrician Johnye Ballenger; Dialogue through the work of Kay Cottle, curiosity in light of Dawoud Bey, artist, and photographer. Self-respect as expressed in the dignity of law professor David Wilkins who believes there is a proof that self-respect must come not from external measures but from within; only then can individual relate respectfully. And attention as exhibited in the pastoral care of Episcopal priest Bill Wallace. Bill Wallace move insight into the value of attention and silent presence as they relate to respect and the dying.  

Through striving for a type of simplicity of theory, the author never shows philosophically what respect itself means nor how its various qualities are coherently related to one another. She means to say that respect gives rise to attention which of course is true but so do a lot of other motivations that runs a spectrum from the desire to manipulate to the simple permission to contemplative awe.

 

The author works with the premise that respect is the primary virtue of moral life in our society such that it finds everything good- from curiosity to healing from dialogue to attention. There are essential components needed for a respectful relationship.

Usually, respect is seen as involving some debt owed because of their attained or original position, their age, gender, class, race, professional status or because of an accomplishment. This book focus on the way respect creates symmetry, empathy, and connection in all kinds of relationship.

THE BIG THREE – KEY POINTS

 

Key point #1: Respect generates respect, a modest loaf becomes many.

 

Key point #2: Respectful relationships have a way of sustaining and replicating themselves

 

Key point #3: Respect creates symmetry, empathy, and connection in all kinds of relationship.

One Last Thing

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”

― Albert Einstein